Transparency

Don't you sometimes wish that things, concepts, people were a little more transparent and easy to understand? Why is it that we hide behind closed doors and computer screens and put up so many protective barriers?

I've always instinctively felt that my most private, petty, awful, or trivial thoughts were transparent to others. Surely my catch of the breath, my twitch of the eye, my biting of the lips, or my nervous finger-twirling of hair will reveal my inner-most thoughts and darkest demons. My awkward bangs betray my insecurities. My frizzy ponytail announces that I don't have much time for myself. My rayon-polyester blouse whispers that I don't quite fit in here, though here I am. My skirt reveals that I am practical yet by nature a romantic, a bit of a head-stuck-in-the-clouds kind of person. My shoes broadcast the fact that I have a ton of responsibilities, walk way too quickly, step into dirty puddles, have wide feet, headaches, and children, and still try to carry myself with some amount of grace...comical though that attempt usually, inevitably turns out to be.

And when years go by and a person suddenly strikes me as incredibly un-transparent, impenetrable, unknowable...I wonder why things couldn't be easy and clear and simple.

I'm not the nudist type. I don't think it's appropriate or necessary to always wear one's heart on one's sleeve. And though I appreciate seeing raw emotions on stage and screen, I relate more to nuance, double entendres, the act of hinting and guessing, the freedom of interpretation and the allure of the unknown. I wish we all could face our demons, let others in on our secrets, learn to accept ourselves fully so that we could fully invite others in--instead of forcing the door shut on those who care the most. I guess what I'm saying is that I wish there could be a little more transparency in this world. If only life could be so simple.

Photos: Coco curtain by Creation Baumann; MIA jelly shoes; jelly flat by Melissa.